what's metal in Portland…

I’ll just say that breakfast here is way too good and way too cheap. If you happen to live close to this place and can walk there…do it. Otherwise you’re going to gain enough pounds to start a Meatloaf cover band. Savory stuff like the Farm Fusion (mushroom, spinach, roasted pepper, tomato, chevre) and sweet stuff like Banana Rumba (a whole sliced banana, caramel sauce, whipped cream, granola) are amazing – but a waffle dipped in dark chocolate for $2 is even crazier. They have indoor seating during rain, if you’re not metal enough to watch your majestic waffle confection get rained on as you stand in silence and drink in the sadness like a fine wine. I’m not that metal. I don’t even think Mortiis is that metal. Seriously, you need to get up early and go here tomorrow if you haven’t been before.

Website:  wafflewindow.com

Address:  3610 SE Hawthorne Blvd

I would give this 3 horns up if they ever seemed to have an appropriate amount of staff on hand proportionate to the number of people eating here. Service is slow and often mistake-encrusted; and despite my tastes in hateful speedy music, I am pretty forgiving and laid back when it comes to food service in PDX. The happy hour portions are very small – but $2 orders of spicy tater tots are still pretty epic. The veggie burgers are decent, and so is the pizza. I am not participating in the mosh pit of opinions about whether McMenamins is good or bad…I’m just going to be the old metalhead standing near the back of the venue slowly headbanging and not getting too worked up about things. I think the atmosphere here is pretty freaking metal – and getting spicy mac and cheese delivered to your seat as you watch a $3 movie in an amazing venue covered in mesopotamian theme 1930′s decor is metal as all heck. If only it was just a tad better quality food. And filling up here outside of happy hour is hard to do.

Website:  mcmenamins.com/219-bagdad-theater-pub-home

Address:  3702 SE Hawthorne Blvd

It’s true that eating two 6″ subs here means $11, which is over the limit. But spending that extra dollar gets you two tickets to an majestic pandora’s box of brutally amazing sandwich flavors that are fully custom in the best possible way. What does that mean? It means you fill out a laminated card with every sandwich option possible, choosing the bread, meat (vegan field roast), cheese, toppings, sauces, etc. Little human interaction required, which is fan-freaking-tastic in my book, giving me more time to perfect my grimacing gloomy stare. Carnivores seem to love the Boar’s Head meat selection. And yes; all you anti-atkins soldiers can celebrate their having Dave’s Killer Bread. One final note…they are open late.

Website:  pdxdeli.com

Address:  4626 SE Hawthorne Blvd